a hard week

this week felt like it has gone on forever it starts with my learning a lesson about trusting people if I appear to be a little more withdrawn I am sorry I just learned the hard way gossip mongers and backstabbers didnt stay in high school they just got better at it...also I went to the doctor because of my constant back pain and was diagnosed with scolioius(no comments about jeff dunham and polious are need the fam took care of that already lol ) i am on two pain releaver/ muscle relaxers and start physical therepy next week. and lastly my washer machine broke and i have about a thousand loads of laundry to do lol so if you live in pahrump or las vegas and know of a cheep working washer for sale lemme know please!

A new start

And so here I am taking inspiration from a friend and vowing to blog at least once a week! This week has been totally wicked awesome! I reconnected with a friend from my child hood we have not seen each other of talked in 16 years! and yet we are both in the culinary field of work *Laughs* I am on cloud 9 and my mind has been racing remembering all the good times we had as kids and now we are grown each with 3 kids of our own!

I know this is a short blog but next weeks will be longer i promise

Stress and the Holidays

Holidays are times where in my mind anyways people should set aside their differeces with others and be civil if not even nice. But not in my life it seems. My boyfriends ex is just doing everything she possibly can to make the Holidays miserable for us and in turn their kids are going to suffer for it. If it were just us that would be hurt by her bitter spitful actions well I'd say Bring it on because I am capable of returning fire (not that i enjoy sinking to that low but I could if pushed enough) but come on what about the kids seriously D is nearly 9 and C is 5 they still believe Christmas is a magical time of year. For her to use them as pawns in here little games just tears me apart as I am sure any GOOD mother would agree with me. Now I am not calling her a bad mom by any means she has managed to raise 2 great kids and therefore clearly she knows what is best for them but it seem right now she just doesnt have her head on straight or something because she is thinking only what is best for her and never mind about her kids. I am just ranting a little here a place where I can vent my frustrations since I won't go to her level and rail at her. She has gone as far as to say I am a druggie. Wow that is very imaginitve of her. Give me the test. That is one I will pass with flying colors. she says my home is "Unsafe" and yet I manage to have anywhere from 1, 3 or sometimes 5 kids and the worst any of them get hurt is by the kids themselves fighting and well kids fight even best of friends do. But whatever once again have some one come into my home and evaluate it, they will find a loving home that is a little small but every kid has a bed and food in their bellies and are well taken care of what more is nessesary. if you want to go a step further every kid has Christmas presents waiting to be wrapped and there are tons of toys to play with and child movies to watch. I am so frustrated I really am what can I do to prove to her (and why do I have to do anything) that I am not a bad person that I have all the kids best interests at heart the only thing I ask is she stops being a pest JW is not with her anymore not because of me but because she pushed him away. I did NOT steal him away from her in any way but she insists on blameing me at every turn...

Changes

So much has happened since last I blogged the biggest change is I met/re-met someone. We have hit it off and are doing splendid. He has 2 children on top of the 3 I already have so in the future (if I ever get constant internet back and get back into blogging) My blogs will even more hilarity thanks to kids. Both of us are cooks so there maybe some new recipes posted as well. In addition to my personal life JW has also helped me in a business level together we are creating Shelly's Jellies & More we make homemade Jellies and Jams and will be moving on to conserves and preserves. We have been working on this business for a bit over a month or so and already have a few customers who are referring us to others this is a truly enjoyable and exciting time in my life and has made me more aware of realizing how great life truly is even when things seem low there is always the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel and bigger and better things heading your way.

I'm fine...

I say this 20 times a day I say it to myself "I'm Fine" as if just saying that makes it all better. I have my good days and bad days. Even though I really am "OK" with all this (the divorce) and I am "FINE" I still find myself thinking how do I manage to drive away the people I love. This is my second divorce and I am only 26. So in the back of my mind I feel as if there is something about me that makes it so difficult. ok now I know I am "Easy on the eyes" (I get told as much at least a few times a day lol)And I am in general a good person no HUGE flaws in my charecter that I know of. I am working on the whole confidence thing and even that is getting better. I am hurting, I am hurting because the man I wanted to be with forever sees me as just a friend and I have heard that line so many times in some variation, "You are one of the guys" "I see you as a sister" "friends forever ok?" *Sigh* And yet I also hear (Since I work with a bunch of guys) that guys and girls can't be friends. It is the whole when Harry met Sally thing. So which is it? "Lets be friends" Or I am attracted to you. And IF you are attracted to me why do you insist on being "Just friends" *Sigh* ok enough rambleing I guess... I guess I just need one of my "JUST FRIENDS" to talk to...

2 in 2 days!

2 posts in 2 days surely I must be mad. (Not I'm not and please don't call me Shirley ha ha If you don't know where that is from you HAVE to watch airplane!!!) anyways here I am at the Library in my home town stealing a few moments of internet time. I gave you a general run down of where I am in my life yesterday now here is an update on my dear minions.

Boo started Kindergarten this year he loves it as we all knew he would. He does not like that i give him rides to school (we live too close for the bus) but he will just have to get over that lol. He is getting so big he turned 5 in July can you belive that! I can't lol.

L- Well my little monster boy is not happy he is not in school but he is doing ok he is not being as mean to his sister which is good he is getting big as well 3years old and knows everything! *Laughs*

H- My princess is turning out to be everything i dreamed and more *Laughs* she loves her babies, pretties, and purses oh and her SHOES that is her favorite thing Shoes *Laughs* She loves having me put her hair up and getting dressed in the mornings. she is talking more and more I think i will blink and she will be 2 already!

not to much else is happening other than if J cannot or will not move out soon I am thinking I will just because I am anxious to start the next stage of my life whatever that maybe but I know that I cannot do that while still living with my almost ex husband.

It has been a while huh

Due to the fact that I do not have constant internet my Blog posts have been sorely lacking as of late but it is something I NEED to do or surely I will go insane. So much has happened lately the biggest blow is my upcoming Divorce from the man who dispite everything that is happening I still find that I love him even if he views me as just a friend. I have had the oppertunity to go out on dates and one night I did but it did not feel quite right after wards.and because of that even though J says that I am free to date I don't. I will admit though it is extreamly flattering to work with a bunch of guys each of who has admited something like this "If I were not taken" or "If I were 20 years younger" or something like that *Laughs*my job is a pain I do the same thing day in and out but I love going to work because I enjoy the friendly banter between my friends/ work family. The "Head" of our family would be Chef of course, the bratty Brother would be RK who never stops talking. Ever. The eccentric Uncle would be D. the "Cool" brother would be RY, and the friend who is over more that not would be J. As for me well as flattering/ annoying as it is I am the "Hot girl next door" *Laughs*We all play our roles nicely and for the most part there is minimal bickering.