I'm fine...

I say this 20 times a day I say it to myself "I'm Fine" as if just saying that makes it all better. I have my good days and bad days. Even though I really am "OK" with all this (the divorce) and I am "FINE" I still find myself thinking how do I manage to drive away the people I love. This is my second divorce and I am only 26. So in the back of my mind I feel as if there is something about me that makes it so difficult. ok now I know I am "Easy on the eyes" (I get told as much at least a few times a day lol)And I am in general a good person no HUGE flaws in my charecter that I know of. I am working on the whole confidence thing and even that is getting better. I am hurting, I am hurting because the man I wanted to be with forever sees me as just a friend and I have heard that line so many times in some variation, "You are one of the guys" "I see you as a sister" "friends forever ok?" *Sigh* And yet I also hear (Since I work with a bunch of guys) that guys and girls can't be friends. It is the whole when Harry met Sally thing. So which is it? "Lets be friends" Or I am attracted to you. And IF you are attracted to me why do you insist on being "Just friends" *Sigh* ok enough rambleing I guess... I guess I just need one of my "JUST FRIENDS" to talk to...

2 in 2 days!

2 posts in 2 days surely I must be mad. (Not I'm not and please don't call me Shirley ha ha If you don't know where that is from you HAVE to watch airplane!!!) anyways here I am at the Library in my home town stealing a few moments of internet time. I gave you a general run down of where I am in my life yesterday now here is an update on my dear minions.

Boo started Kindergarten this year he loves it as we all knew he would. He does not like that i give him rides to school (we live too close for the bus) but he will just have to get over that lol. He is getting so big he turned 5 in July can you belive that! I can't lol.

L- Well my little monster boy is not happy he is not in school but he is doing ok he is not being as mean to his sister which is good he is getting big as well 3years old and knows everything! *Laughs*

H- My princess is turning out to be everything i dreamed and more *Laughs* she loves her babies, pretties, and purses oh and her SHOES that is her favorite thing Shoes *Laughs* She loves having me put her hair up and getting dressed in the mornings. she is talking more and more I think i will blink and she will be 2 already!

not to much else is happening other than if J cannot or will not move out soon I am thinking I will just because I am anxious to start the next stage of my life whatever that maybe but I know that I cannot do that while still living with my almost ex husband.

It has been a while huh

Due to the fact that I do not have constant internet my Blog posts have been sorely lacking as of late but it is something I NEED to do or surely I will go insane. So much has happened lately the biggest blow is my upcoming Divorce from the man who dispite everything that is happening I still find that I love him even if he views me as just a friend. I have had the oppertunity to go out on dates and one night I did but it did not feel quite right after wards.and because of that even though J says that I am free to date I don't. I will admit though it is extreamly flattering to work with a bunch of guys each of who has admited something like this "If I were not taken" or "If I were 20 years younger" or something like that *Laughs*my job is a pain I do the same thing day in and out but I love going to work because I enjoy the friendly banter between my friends/ work family. The "Head" of our family would be Chef of course, the bratty Brother would be RK who never stops talking. Ever. The eccentric Uncle would be D. the "Cool" brother would be RY, and the friend who is over more that not would be J. As for me well as flattering/ annoying as it is I am the "Hot girl next door" *Laughs*We all play our roles nicely and for the most part there is minimal bickering.