Amber

Well that time of year is approaching again, my birthday. I have to admit that for the first time in 10 years I am not blatantly avoiding the thought of that day. (which is odd considering I turn 25 this year and I have teased numerous friends about being a quarter century old) I have not viewed my birthday as a reason to celebrate, not because I dread getting older, that is defiantly not the case I have lived every year of my life thus earned the number. No the reason is simply my 15 birthday was marked by a personal tragedy, my best friend, cousin, confidant, and easily the nicest person I ever knew died of heart failure. J and I have not been the same since, back then J and Amber had been dating for a little over 18 months which in High school time is forever. We have not mentioned that this year makes ten years but I can tell he still hurts as much if not more than I do. It honestly does not seem like 10 years have passed partly because for 2 years I was sunk into a deep depression wearing a plastic smile and telling everyone I am fine (kind of like Orlando Bloom in Elizabethtown) then for another year I was so stoned that I don't remember most of what happened that year and then came motherhood *laughs* I sometimes have to wonder if she watches J and I and if I am doing good in her book? I don't handle death well, I don't know anyone that particularly does though J handles things better than me or maybe it is just different than me... Since Amber died J is sort of numb about people dieing, while I just don't "get over it" but as they say oppisites attract, And me being a firm believer in "all things happen for a reason" sometimes think that J and I were meant to be together. If Amber and J had broken up, instead of what happened then I would not have dated him in High School, therefore would not have made him mad to the point of not talking to me for 2 years when I tried joining the Army (speaking of my recruiter is my neighbor now *laughs* and I wouldn't have had to find him on classmates asking him to forgive my stupidness, and would not have reconected and so on and so forth and then I would have only one of my wonderful monsters. Anyways I know I am rambeling so I am off to bed.
-Night